QMy husband is a very kinky submissive man. When we were dating, I found out that he’d been talking to multiple people online and that he had met up with a professional dom a couple of times. I felt betrayed that he had done this all behind my back, even though I’d told him that I would be down with him seeing a dom. (I even offered to buy him a session for his birthday!)
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Why lie? Honest to god, if he would have just told me that very day that he’d sent someone pictures of his cock, I’d be fine with it! I also found another e-mail account he never told me about that he’s using when he chats online as a woman. Again, no big deal! But I was under the impression that he used just this one chat program for chatting! Why hide it? My vanilla friends will be no help in this matter, and I feel pretty heartbroken. So I’m asking you. —He Isn’t Telling Me Everything
Moving on . . .
Here’s a potential compromise: He doesn’t keep anything from you, HITME, but he doesn’t disclose in real time. So long as he’s not being unsafe or neglectful, so long as his online activities remain online only, he can carry on flirting and texting and pic swapping. But every few months, you get to depose his submissive ass. You get to sit him down and ask him questions, and he answers all your questions truthfully and opens up about any current secrets that your questions didn’t uncover. This way he can have all the erotic secrets he wants (he’ll just have to make new ones every few months), and you can have the transparency you need (you just won’t have it immediately). Good luck.
Last year my parents found out that my older brother—their straight son—is kinky. A vindictive ex hacked into his e-mail and sent a letter to everyone in his address book. Big bro has a dungeon, his current girlfriend is his slave, he’s made BDSM porn. The e-mail came with pictures no mother would want to see. Mom, completely distraught, called her gay son: “Why can’t Josh have a normal relationship!” she cried. “Like yours!”
