Lately has been a period of reoccurring ideas and terms. Right before my birthday last winter I was told by my personal astrologer (I call him that because he loves talking about star alignment and such and I know jack shit about it but really he is no astrologer although you could call him and he would be happy to drop some knowledge if you like) that I was entering a period in my life that is referred to by people who love reading horoscopes and basing things on star formations as Saturn’s Return. I didn’t know what he was talking about so I did what most people do these days when they don’t know something (read about it? Duh! Reading facts is soooo 1999 of you!), I borrowed the closest iPhone and Googled it and read the definition that someone posted on Wikipedia. Then, because it is really not smart to rely on some posting that comes with the disclaimer that states what is posted contains a margin or error, I got a book and did some reading. During this period there is change, great or subtle, but change none the less. There are also moments of regression and then moments of aspiration. I am still trying to figure out how this differs from any other year or period in life but hey, I am not going to argue with the stars and take on the universe. I had seen some movies where people try to do that and it is not a good idea. This is also supposed to be a right of passage into adulthood. That confused me more because I was under the impression that I was an adult, case being 1. I have a real job 2. I live on my own. 3. I pay taxes. 4. I make decisions based on how it effects my future and 5. I deal with, what’s that word? That thing that people will move heaven and hell to avoid? Oh yeah, responsibility. Come to think of it, I have been taking responsibility for things for a long time, I guess I never really cared whether or not I took the blame for things or had a problem explaining my actions or reasons for my actions. Lately though terms like ‘grow up’ and ‘adult’ have been brought up, not directed at me, but just in general speaking. So hence my list of what I believe qualifies me as being a mature adult. Plus my line of work requires a tremendous amount of maturity; have you read the X-Matches lately?! Can’t really read about how some guy wants a woman to dress him up in lingerie without a mature standpoint. Alright so, I stated my reasoning (1-5 from a few sentences ago) and I was countered with the fallowing reasons: 1. I don’t have a job I don’t like. 2. I don’t dress up enough, as in wear a suit 3. I am too laid back about things 4. My vernacular is too casual and 5. I am just too damn content with life. To be honest, I am still scratching my head a little bit trying to counter these reasons but it’s really hard. I had learned a lesson during my formative years working at an air brush stand. Life lesson: it is impossible to reason with stupidity. Instead of actually trying to come back with a drawn out and long winded presentation about which would only incorporate a long and very polite definition of stupidity, I figured I would just look at how the definition of adult is different to everyone and then take a look at how they arrived at their conclusion. The findings were both depressing and intriguing. (Hey! Look at that! I was a bit depressed and not content for a moment. I am getting more grown up by the minute! By the end of this entry I will probably be wearing a nice suit and moderately drinking at a wine tasting!) A lot of what it came down to is the people giving me their definition were both lonely and were seeking some level of self-validation. Would have saved us both a lot of time if they just said something like, “hey, I’m lonely and seek some self-validation.” But since they didn’t they chose to go on and on and bore the shit out of me with stories of sacrifice (yeah, their term, not mine), choices that they didn’t realized were commitment, lack of control because they, during this not realizing they didn’t make the best choice moments, gave up self control, and finally the unwillingness to lay in the bed they made. Again I am wondering if they wanted me to take responsibility or assure them that with life you can make other choices and correct things or if they wanted me to join them in their constant discontent in order to validate their thought process on the life they lead. I suppose grown up means you just kind of turn into a zombie and roll over. Life is never fun again and the good times are gone. I had to apologize and let them know that I was not willing to join the ranks of the “unhappy because that is how you are when you’re an adult” because I am just not ready to (i.e. wow! who the fuck would like to join you? Hey, look at that! I just made a choice and said no. Too laid back, eh? Making decisions and thinking for myself… told you I would be wearing a suit by the end of this). Maybe it’s possible that what you take from the elders is the negativity, but there are two sides to every shwartz. You know, the schwartz… Spaceballs? Anyway, if that’s what you gain from life and people, well you are going to be a negative and miserable person who will always seek validation and agreement from those who you can look at as equally depressing (correction, it’s called ‘grown up’) or maybe you see it as you have found a minion or weaker mind that you have captured on your quest of eternally damning and bumming the rest of us out, that’s the dark side of the schwartz.
