Dear readers: I’m writing this week’s column in a drug-induced coma. Well, not quite a coma, but close. I was fighting a cold for two weeks, and the cold won: it morphed into an insanely painful sinus infection—you know it’s bad when your doctor urges you to err on the side of too much Vicodin, not too little. So a warning to everyone whose letter appears in this week’s column: my reliably sucky advice is probably going to be suckier than usual.
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QThis probably falls into the category of a so-what’s-the-problem problem: I’m a bearish 44-year-old who can’t get a hot Latin 18-year-old guy to stop sucking my dick. Craigslist was involved initially. But now he comes by for weekly sessions of mutual head and leaves immediately afterward. His round trip on the subway lasts longer than his stays at my place. He’s a sweet kid but deeply closeted; given what little I know of his Dominican family and group of friends, he’s years away from coming out. I’m under no illusion that I’m what he’s looking for, but I am an available sexual outlet. The trouble for me is he won’t kiss and won’t do anything social with me, and the novelty of getting naked with an 18-year-old has worn off. I could stop seeing him, I guess, but saying “You give great head, but you bore me” is rude. I’m mindful of your rule about treating younger partners like campsites: leave them in better shape than you found them. I’m doing that, by treating him respectfully and showing him that it’s possible to be openly gay and have support from family and friends, but I don’t know where to go next. —Not Wild About the Boy
A lot of desperate-to-stay-closeted cases convince themselves that they won’t ever have to come out if they can get their sexual needs met in one place and their emotional needs met in another. By showing him that a healthy gay person successfully integrates his sexual and emotional needs—which you’ll have done whether he keeps coming over or not—you’ll be honoring the campsite rule.
But if I was gonna pick a faith based on gayness alone, I would go with Antinous. He was the big gay lover of the big gay second-century Roman emperor Hadrian, the dude who built the wall that kept Mary Queen of Scots from sneaking into Roman Britain and stealing the scones of stones or something. Hadrian, a bearish guy in his 40s, was hopelessly in love with Antinous, a Bithynian teenager. Hadrian’s Bithynian, like the NWATB’s Dominican, must have given amazing head because after Antinous died—he drowned while swimming in the Nile—Hadrian had him declared a god. Take it away, Wikipedia:
