QMy younger brother and I are close. He came out of the closet last year, although it wasn’t much of a surprise because everyone knew he was gay since forever. Everyone is happy he’s out because it kind of takes the elephant out of the room, and our immediate and extended family are all really supportive. But for the last six to nine months or so, he’s been really depressed about not ever having had a boyfriend. He’s 21 and he’s always talking about how he wants to find a boy to be with in a relationship and not just for sex, but he says it’s impossible for him to meet said boy.
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He’s been on the whole online dating thing for a while, but said it’s really difficult to meet anyone who he feels a connection with. I’ve never done online dating, but I have heard the same points from others who’ve tried it. I asked him if he ever goes to gay bars, because that would obviously change the ratios around, but apparently it’s a little insensitive for a straight guy to say that, and he said he’s not really into that scene. Anyway, I just wish I could give him some good advice without being unintentionally offensive (the gay bar suggestion). I’d still like to offer any advice I can for him to meet a guy he feels strongly about. —Seeking Advice for Family
Even if we accept the lowest educated guesstimate of the percentage of the population that’s gay—1.7 percent—that means your brother has nearly 60 million potential romantic partners to choose from worldwide; he has 2.5 million potential romantic partners in the United States alone. Other informed guesstimates of the percentage of the population that’s gay are much, much higher—seven or eight times higher—so your brother’s odds of finding a partner are probably much better. But let’s put that 1.7 percent figure in perspective: Jews represent just 1.7 percent of the population of the United States. So even if the percentage of the population that’s gay is “just” 1.7 percent, your brother has the, um, same cross to bear—and the same odds of success—as an American Jew who wants to marry another American Jew.
QI’m a guy. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years. I love her, but in the last year, sex has been an issue. I feel attracted to her, but I find myself easily distracted these days, kind of worried during sex, which has resulted in me either coming superfast or losing my erection altogether. As a result, she does not orgasm at all. It’s gotten to the point where I’m afraid to be intimate with her for fear of letting her down. I have gone to see doctors to try to understand if my medical conditions—severe sleep apnea, elevated blood pressure—might have something to do with it. I’m in treatment for these things and I’ve started going to a therapist, too. I am thinking of buying some sex toys to use while I work to overcome my problems. My girlfriend doesn’t own any, and she says she doesn’t masturbate because she tried it once and never came. How do I approach her with the idea of using sex toys during sex? Should I? I just want her to experience an orgasm even if I need to get some extra help from a vibrator. —Devil in the Details
